Mud Mask

“If you could do anything, knowing you would not fail, what would you do?”

That question breaks my heart.

It’s daring me to dream BIG.

And what would you let yourself dream about, if you had no restrictions?

So if I could do anything in the whole world, knowing I wouldn’t fail, this is what I would do:

Live in a tiny house on the beach somewhere, during the months that I write.

The months that I don’t write will be spent wandering.

Where?

The places I dream of least.

The places that need help, or the places that are haunted and empty, the places that are unruly and drunk on nature’s rage,

The places God forgot about.

If I could do anything, knowing I would not fail,

I would walk straight into a jungle

On some hidden continent.

I would breathe deep, smelling the earth and the musk

I would take step after step

Into the muddy, sticky ground

I would push back the flora

I would grab the trunks of trees, desperately

Clinging like I would to a lover’s body

Aching to be held

I would sink further and further into the mud

I would gasp for air

I would look into the sky

My face covered in bugs

I would beg the Earth for grace and mercy

And I would be lost

So utterly lost

In the desperateness of solitude and submersion

In the fragility of mortality

In the beauty of the desolate mind

I would drown myself in this Earth

And peek back up through the dirt

See just the smallest sliver of sky

And watch that sky melt away

As the rain drips and molds the mud

To my lonely face.

And at that moment

I would know that I was complete

Dead and alone and musky.

People: Why do I yearn for you?

If I could do anything, knowing I would not fail:

I would be alone on this Earth, and covered in it

On purpose

And for the benefit of my spirit.

Because within myself

And within this Earth

I will find freedom from my addiction

To the mob stampede of humanity.

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